When I watched the snowboarders on the brink of the half pipe, I couldn’t imagine myself in that situation. How many of us before networking, before an interview or before sending off a resume, feel as if we were about to descend to the half pipe with our feet strapped to a board and with millions of watchers in person and on TV? Yet, we are not being televised, no one is critiquing us and we won’t get physically maimed or injured. However, our own thoughts can make what we need to do seem insurmountable.
There is real fear of danger and fear imposed by self-limiting beliefs. If we are asking ourselves “what if” type of questions, then it could be that fear caused by self-limiting beliefs is beneath them.
- What if I fail?
- What if I look stupid?
- What if I say something stupid?
- What if the recruiter thinks I am stupid?
- What if I am older (or younger) than the recruiter?
- What if the economy is so bad that I never will find a job?
If you are uncomfortable or stuck in some aspect of your job search because of self- limiting thinking, try writing the words that have been going through your mind. (E.g., I am so stupid. I always make mistakes. I am not good enough. No one is going to hire me.) Then ask if these negative words are really, really true in all instances. Ask how it makes you feel to think these words. Ask if you would use these words against a friend or loved one. If these words you frequently say to yourself are not 100% accurate, make you feel crummy and would never be used about a loved one, THEN STOP THINKING THEM. An interesting book on the topic is Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie. You might also check out Katie’s web site, www.thework.com for helpful information and exercises about this.
For some of us, negative words from childhood or school stick in our minds and become “truths” that we live by. These voices in our heads which diminish us or keep us from success could be called saboteurs or gremlins. Stress (and many aspects of job search can be stressful) really activates them. When you notice that you are caught up in negative circular thinking, try the following:
- Notice—simply notice. Become aware of the here and now. Notice your breathing, the tension in your body and where it is.
- Breathe deeply several times. Feel your emotions.
- Tell the voice to go away.
The first two suggestions are from a good book on the topic, Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting out of Your Own Way, by Rick Carson.
QUOTES
"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine." Emerson
"What you think of yourself is much more important that what others think of you." Seneca
“It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself you might as well get some satisfaction out of the relationship.” Norman Vincent Peale
PLEASE COMMENT
Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.
HOW TO REACH ME
www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching
www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching
www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching
Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.
