There used to be an advertising phrase, “You can’t fool Mother Nature.” The one you can’t fool is yourself. You will feel like a fraud if you try. You need to start from where you are and not from where you think you should be in terms of your feelings.
If you are at the stage where you are coming to terms with your feelings about job loss, then you can move to the stage of choosing a perspective, a way to think about the loss, all aspects of job search or even just of life.
I received a gift of a framed plaque that said CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOU CHANGE YOUR WORLD. Incorrect thinking is the root of many of our self imposed dilemmas and we can change our way of thinking. There is a difference between acknowledging our feelings and changing our thinking. The first (acknowledging our feelings) comes first. So I am not suggesting the Pollyanna routine of making nice when things aren’t nice. Things are what they are. You have a right to your feelings about the situation (as long as you don’t take it out on others or yourself.) What I am suggesting is to take the next step, to stop the mental flagellation and to stop circular negative thinking.
You have successfully handled challenges in the past. List and remember the successes. We humans have an amazing capacity to remember and relive our mistakes and overlook our successes. So try an opposite technique this time and remember the successes.
But you say, this is different—I am older, I don’t have the right skills, I got terminated, I don’t interview well….
SHIFT YOUR THINKING ABOUT THE DAMAGING MESSAGES YOU MIGHT BE TELLING YOURSELF:
If you are thinking something like “I am never going to get a job at my age,” you are in a perspective—and not the most helpful one. The situation will be the same no matter what perspective you are in. However, your way of looking at the situation will have an impact on you and how you present yourself.
Ask yourself and perhaps journal your answers:
1. What is my perspective/thought?
2. What does this thought get me?
3. What is the payoff?
4. What is the cost?
5. What are other alternatives that might also be true? (Brainstorm as many alternatives as possible.)
6. Is this thought productive?
7. Does this thought increase or decrease my stress?
Make yourself a chart with two columns. One column will be Perspective and the other will be How It Makes Me Feel or How it Energizes Me. Fill in an initial message/perspective and then brainstorm other potential ones, even off the wall types. Fill out how each makes you feel or how it energizes or doesn’t energize you. And then perhaps for a week or a day, choose a different way of thinking and see how it does or doesn’t lift your spirits. You might even decide to be in a funk for a time period. The key is to choose and be in charge of your thoughts and not have thoughts unknowingly run you.
DON’T FORGET TO COMMENT
I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.
HOW TO REACH ME
jill@careercoachjill.com
QUOTE FOR THE WEEK
“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” Eleanor Roosevelt
