But words will never hurt me.

WRONG!  Broken bones will heal.  Bruises will fade, but words do hurt.  They can go “viral” in our infinitely complex brains, reside there and monitor and affect our behavior without our even being aware of their impact.  These words might not have been meant to hurt or perhaps they were but in either case we humans give them undue credence.  In my coaching practice, I have noticed that people are guided by words from the past and that unexamined these words are limiting.  I have also noticed that these words that live on in our fertile brains are usually the negative ones.  We humans tend to remember the negative more than the positive.

We are particularly vulnerable when we are in transition or when we are in a poor work environment.  This vulnerability makes us more susceptible to rejection and critical words.  I invite you to think of the most recent time when someone’s words bothered you.  I suggest you examine the effect of the words and then make a conscious decision to live without the cloud of those words.  Think of what you believe you have heard and then how you have interpreted it.  In the words of my friend and fellow coach, Teri Conrad (www.thewinnerwithin.com), “what are you making up about that?”

MY APOLOGIES AND GOING FORWARD

I apologize for the break in blogging.  I enjoyed a short vacation, and took the class mentioned below.  I am currently taking a class on Moodle in order to put job search lesson plans on my web site.  I have been warned that there will be 4 to 6 hours of homework a week,  so future blog postings might be sporadic.  If so, just check out some earlier postings.  Another suggestion is to check out the quote section of www.careercoachjill.com.  For the quote that comes up, choose to live for a day or a week as if that quote were true for you. See what changes in perception this brings about in your life.

SOME NEWS TO SHARE

In July, I attended a class run by the VIA Institute on Character.  In particular we discussed the VIA Character Strengths, including the work of positive psychology leaders  Martin Seligman, PhD, author of Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness,  and David Cooperrider, well known for his work in Appreciative  Inquiry.   The emphasis was on knowing your character strengths/values and then putting them to work in your life.  The benefits of positive assessment are “a shift from what’s wrong to what’s strong.”  (Duckworth, Steen & Seligman, 2005)

 QUOTE

“To thine own self be true.”  Shakespeare.  

My question is, “How can we be true to ourselves if we are living a life bound by someone else’s words?” 

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com 

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching    

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

A good book along these lines is Loving What Is:  Four Questions that Can Change Your Life  by Byron Katie with Stephen Mitchell.  You might also refer to Katie’s web site, www.thework.com. 

SOME NEWS TO SHARE

This week I was delighted to be included among “50 Brilliant Business Coach Bloggers” at www.onlinedegreeprograms.com.  Here’s a link: www.onlinedegreeprograms.com/blog/2010/50-brilliant-business-coach-bloggers/.

It’s always rewarding to have one’s work recognized, and that’s the kind of reward I want for you, my readers, in your own work lives.

QUOTES

“It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.”   Lewis Carroll

“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”  Lewis Carroll

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

 HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com 

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching    

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

• What is your motivation to work? (It might be the work itself and it might be to support yourself and your family.)
• When were you most energized at work?  (Since it is difficult to get what you don’t want, you need to find work that will make you happy.)
• However, if you are currently employed but not finding the work fulfilling, how can you change your perspective to make this work satisfying at least in the interim?  (The work might not change but you can choose to change, which can shift the dynamic.  I find that many people who are not happy at work, take it out on the job by withholding some portion of their effort or themselves which then comes back to bite them in less than stellar reviews.)

 POEM

To Be of Use

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

Marge Piercy

from Circles on the Water  (Knopf, 1982)

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

You might even be inadvertently asked illegal questions by an unsophisticated interviewer.  Your age, marital status, national origin, race and religion are among those topics.  I once was interviewed by a contingency recruiter who said as he gave me an arm punch, “I’ll bet you still have some pretty good years left in you yet.”  I felt like an out-to-pasture race horse.  Him, I should have confronted or reported because I obviously was never going to be passed on to the company.  (By the way, I never shopped again at the company that this recruiter was representing.) 

For each of us, the way to handle these situations will be different.  Humor is one option.  Another is to look behind the question to what should be really important to the clueless one.  I am suggesting that you be savvier than the interviewer.  Assume that he or she is innocent until proven guilty.  Take a deep breath, relax and then answer.

• If you are asked something odd (similar to the tree question above), the interviewer might be trying to gauge your ability to handle stress or to see how professionally you handle situations.  Act as if this is normal.
• If a reference to age is made and you are over the age of 40 (a protected classification), the interviewer might be wondering about your energy level.  Give him an example of your positive energy.  “At XYZ firm, I was known for my energy in solving problems with the most difficult customers.”
• If marital status or numbers of children or plans for children are brought up, the interviewer might be wondering if you are able to travel or work over time.  “Are you wondering if I am willing to travel?”
• If a remark is made about the number of jobs you have had, he/she might be wondering if you would stay at the job for which you are being interviewed.  You can explain any perceived job hopping and mention that you are looking for a company where you can stay and grow.
• If a remark is made about your first or last name being unusual, consider it a compliment and say thank you.

I worked for a VP/GM who would take the top candidate to lunch and return to tell me things I wish that neither of us knew, such as, “She just had her gall bladder removed three weeks ago.”  I pointed out the error of his ways but he was just so very friendly that candidates volunteered more than was wise.

You also don’t have to volunteer personal information on your resume or during the interview.  If you have a personal section on your resume, be careful what you share.  In your answer to the “So tell me about yourself” question, you don’t need to volunteer anything that the company has no right to know.  You must also monitor the personal information you share on social media, such as Facebook and Twitter—if a potential employer is interested in you, chances are they will look at your online presence, too. 

Once you get the job, be careful what you share, with whom you share or how loudly you share personal information.

QUOTE

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

 HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching  

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

My suggestion to you is to break the cycle of interview stress with moments of gratitude.  This can be grounding.  When we get caught in a negative spiral in job search, we forget how often things in this world do work.

In an earlier blog, I might have quoted a framed saying that family members gave me: “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”  So if the job search is dreary, I suggest you spend a few minutes thinking of and  writing down all you are grateful for.  It can be a breath of fresh air in the fog.  Read the poem below by Hafiz and let some light into your soul with a little gratitude.

QUOTE 

“It Felt Love,” by Hafiz 

How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart

And give this world
All its
Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,

Otherwise,
We all remain

Too

Frightened

Source: “ The Gift,” poems by Hafiz translated by Daniel Ladinsky  (Penguin Compass, 1999).   

 PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

Your answer will have three parts: 

• Situation (what happened),
• Action (what did you do)
• Response (what was the result for the company or client). 

You are being pushed to think of a specific example.  Speaking in generalities (“Oh, I always take care of clients.  It’s one of my strengths,”) will not work.  On one assignment we interviewers were to ask candidates, “Tell me about a time you didn’t get along with a coworker.”  If your answer was the general comment of “I get along with everyone,” you failed.  At the very least, you missed an opportunity to promote a key skill.

I worked on a recruitment project with a group trained by government psychologists.  We were instructed to give no positive feedback to candidates because it would mean that we might be giving unfair advantage to one over another.  This “no positive feedback” extended to not using the words “thank you” or “okay.”  We were not to smile or nod our heads.  So don’t take it personally or think you are not doing a good job, if this is the case.

For most of the interviews that I conducted either by phone or in person, I asked at least one or two behavioral questions.  I would talk to the decision maker and ask what traits he or she wanted in the eventual hire and then formulate a situation for the candidates to react to.  The responses then became a large part of my feedback with a recommendation of which candidates to further consider.

To recap, some interviews might be strictly behavioral and some might be regular interviews with a few behavioral questions.  In either case, it is best to be prepared.

So how to prepare?  When you have an interview set up, look at the job posting and make a short list of traits that you think the employer will want.  A few possibilities might be:  leadership, initiative, customer service, proactive problem solving, teamwork.  Then think of a story to show how you have the desired quality.  Write it out in situation, action and result form.  Prepare examples in that form—situation, action, result–for each of the traits you think might be required. 

It would be best to use a different story for each question.  So the rule of thumb is, “don’t repeat a story even to different interviewers within a firm.”  They will compare notes. 

Mistakes I see clients make are:

• Getting so lost in the details of the situation that they run out of time for the important part which is how their actions brought about a good result.
• Using a story which does not have a good result for the company or the company’s clients.
• Being so team-oriented, that they forget to showcase themselves.
• Rambling because they weren’t prepared.
• Repeating the same story. 
• Making up a story. 

This preparation is helpful even if you are not asked a behavioral question.  There are some interviewers who have no clue how to interview and so ramble on because they just don’t know how to question or because they like the sound of their own voices.  If the Clueless One rambles about how the firm needs leadership but doesn’t ask you any questions about your abilities, you might interject with an example of your leadership.  You could introduce this with, “May I tell you about a time when I demonstrated leadership similar to what you are saying is needed here?”

QUOTE

 Just to be clear, this is an example of a rambling bad answer. 

“I’m a people person, very personable. I absolutely insist on enjoying life. Not so task-oriented. Not a work horse. If you’re looking for a Clydesdale I’m probably not your man. Like I don’t live to work, it’s more the other way around. I work to live. Incidentally, what’s your policy on Columbus Day?”
You, Me and Dupree (2006) – Randy Dupree (Owen Wilson)  

PLEASE COMMENT

 Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy hearing about the most difficult interview question you have been asked.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com 

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching  

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

The response to this question is sometimes called the 90 second personal commercial for a reason.  The answer should be as close to 90 seconds as possible.  Fill out the steps below so that you don’t ramble.  Pretend you are using a filter when you look at your answer.  That filter should be “Is this information necessary to the interviewer and does it help me land the job.” 

 You do not have to follow the pattern below word for word.  However, I suggest typing your final commercial on a separate piece of paper and then practicing it until it flows.

1. You start by

• giving your name if necessary,
• and your function.  (Function, not title.  E.g., Human Resources Professional, IT Professional.)

2.  Next you name your prior or current company and title at that company.  If useful, you summarize your responsibilities.  You list one or two memorable accomplishments in that position.  You mention briefly why you left that firm.  (Look at the blog on “Leaving Statement” for help on this if needed.)

3.  Then you mention the second company, title, experience and accomplishments.  You might be asked the reason you left that firm also.  So be prepared.

4.  You continue doing the steps in #3 for all the companies on your resume.  (However, do remember that it is suggested that your resume cover only the last 10-15 years.  Therefore, your 90 Second Personal Commercial would parallel that time period.)

5.  If you have time, you might list your strengths and give an example of how you have demonstrated one of those strengths at work.

6.  It is helpful to end up by summarizing how you meet the needs of the firm or match the job posting.

QUOTE

“We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.”  Mark Twain  

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com 

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching  

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

Your e-mail and voice mail are important links to those who have jobs to offer.  Does your e-mail system let you know when a message is undeliverable?  If not, do you double check to see if you have the address correct?  

Is your voice mail message professional?  A least favorite is, “I am not here.  You know what to do.”  Is your message brief and to the point?  I am sure your children are charming but not on your voice mail message if you are in search mode.  Your religious holidays are not of interest to the caller.  If you have a choice, make and receive calls from a land line because it can be clearer.  And finally, be very aware of background noise whenever you make a call or leave a message:  turn off the TV and stereo, and step out of the room if there are other people around chatting away.  The only sound the other party should hear is the sound of your own voice. 

QUOTE

“If e-mail had been around before the telephone was invented people would have said “hey, forget e-mail-with this new telephone invention I can actually talk to people.” www.thinkexist.com

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

There is real fear of danger and fear imposed by self-limiting beliefs.   If we are asking ourselves “what if” type of questions, then it could be that fear caused by self-limiting beliefs is beneath them. 

• What if I fail?
• What if I look stupid?
• What if I say something stupid?
• What if the recruiter thinks I am stupid?
• What if I am older (or younger) than the recruiter?
• What if the economy is so bad that I never will find a job?

If you are uncomfortable or stuck in some aspect of your job search because of self- limiting thinking, try writing the words that have been going through your mind.  (E.g., I am so stupid.  I always make mistakes.  I am not good enough.  No one is going to hire me.)  Then ask if these negative words are really, really true in all instances.  Ask how it makes you feel to think these words.  Ask if you would use these words against a friend or loved one.  If these words you frequently say to yourself are not 100% accurate, make you feel crummy and would never be used about a loved one, THEN STOP THINKING THEM.  An interesting book on the topic is Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie.  You might also check out Katie’s web site, www.thework.com  for helpful information and exercises about this. 

For some of us, negative words from childhood or school stick in our minds and become “truths” that we live by.  These voices in our heads which diminish us or keep us from success could be called saboteurs or gremlins.  Stress (and many aspects of job search can be stressful) really activates them.  When you notice that you are caught up in negative circular thinking, try the following:

• Notice—simply notice.  Become aware of the here and now.  Notice your breathing, the tension in your body and where it is.
• Breathe deeply several times.  Feel your emotions. 
• Tell the voice to go away. 

The first two suggestions are from a good book on the topic, Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting out of Your Own Way, by Rick Carson.

 QUOTES 

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."  Emerson

"What you think of yourself is much more important that what others think of you."  Seneca

“It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself you might as well get some satisfaction out of the  relationship.”  Norman Vincent Peale

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

I believe the problem is the informational interview.  Outplacement agencies and job clubs push “networking” and teach this technique.  It is stressed that you are seeking information, not a job.  For some of us that would be disingenuous because we are not seeking information, we are seeking a job.  Not all of us are going to do informational interviews in which we ask a contact to meet us for lunch or coffee.  Some of us are not at the place in our career where our contacts are free to meet for lunch or coffee. Networking is the big picture, and the informational interview is just one part of that picture.    Informational interviewing seems to work well when you want to learn

• about a type of career before you switch to it,
• about an industry,
• or about a particular company. 

But even if we don’t do informational interviewing, we all can network by choosing a method that works for our personality and needs.  For example, I have heard of those who have:

• Used a tag line under an e-mail signature about the type of job being sought. 
• Had an accidental interview on a plane when the person sitting next to her asked what type of work she did.  Her seat mate happened to be the CEO of a hospital.  (Thank goodness she had her Personal Commercial polished.)
• Contacted others through LinkedIn or from his contact list for information about a company.  “Who do you know at xyz company who can help me get my resume noticed?”
• Asked contacts for names of recruiters.  The recruiter pays more attention when you have been referred.  
• Attended meetings in their current or desired field.  (Bring  business cards and copies of the Networking Brief.)
• Asked family, friends and contacts to be their eyes and ears about openings in a desired field or at a desired company.
• E-mailed contacts to let them know with wording from the Personal Commercial what is being sought and how the contacts can help.  (You might attach your Networking Brief to the e-mail because it is specific about how you can be helped.)
• Asked contacts if  they know anyone in a desired firm who can let them know what it is like to work there.
• Done public speaking on an area of expertise.
• Volunteered in a field of interest.
• Gone to local job search groups and then had coffee or lunch to better get to know someone else in transition.  This person does not necessarily have to be in your field.  (Once when in transition I had coffee with a man who was interviewing to be COO of a company where I had applied to be the HR Manager.  If he had landed that position, I would have been a shoe-in.)

Please share with me your networking ideas and successes.

Some suggested books that have information on networking:

Change Your Career: Transitioning to the Nonprofit Sector  by Laura Gassner Otting 

In Transition:  From the Harvard Business School Club of New York’s Career Management Seminar by Mary Lindley Burton, Richard A. Wedemeyer

Rites of Passage at $100,000 to $1Million +:  Your Insider’s Lifetime Guide to Executive Job-Changing and Faster Career Progress in the 21^st Century, by John Lucht 

What Color is Your Parachute?  2010: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-changers by Richard N. Bolles.

QUOTE

 “…when it comes to finding out about new jobs…’weak ties’ are always more important than strong ties.  Your friends, after all, occupy the same world that you do. …Your acquaintances, on the other hand, by definition occupy a very different world than you.  They are much more likely to know something that you don’t.”  (Page 54, The Tipping Point: How Little things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell)

 PLEASE COMMENT

 Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.