But words will never hurt me.

WRONG!  Broken bones will heal.  Bruises will fade, but words do hurt.  They can go “viral” in our infinitely complex brains, reside there and monitor and affect our behavior without our even being aware of their impact.  These words might not have been meant to hurt or perhaps they were but in either case we humans give them undue credence.  In my coaching practice, I have noticed that people are guided by words from the past and that unexamined these words are limiting.  I have also noticed that these words that live on in our fertile brains are usually the negative ones.  We humans tend to remember the negative more than the positive.

We are particularly vulnerable when we are in transition or when we are in a poor work environment.  This vulnerability makes us more susceptible to rejection and critical words.  I invite you to think of the most recent time when someone’s words bothered you.  I suggest you examine the effect of the words and then make a conscious decision to live without the cloud of those words.  Think of what you believe you have heard and then how you have interpreted it.  In the words of my friend and fellow coach, Teri Conrad (www.thewinnerwithin.com), “what are you making up about that?”

MY APOLOGIES AND GOING FORWARD

I apologize for the break in blogging.  I enjoyed a short vacation, and took the class mentioned below.  I am currently taking a class on Moodle in order to put job search lesson plans on my web site.  I have been warned that there will be 4 to 6 hours of homework a week,  so future blog postings might be sporadic.  If so, just check out some earlier postings.  Another suggestion is to check out the quote section of www.careercoachjill.com.  For the quote that comes up, choose to live for a day or a week as if that quote were true for you. See what changes in perception this brings about in your life.

SOME NEWS TO SHARE

In July, I attended a class run by the VIA Institute on Character.  In particular we discussed the VIA Character Strengths, including the work of positive psychology leaders  Martin Seligman, PhD, author of Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness,  and David Cooperrider, well known for his work in Appreciative  Inquiry.   The emphasis was on knowing your character strengths/values and then putting them to work in your life.  The benefits of positive assessment are “a shift from what’s wrong to what’s strong.”  (Duckworth, Steen & Seligman, 2005)

 QUOTE

“To thine own self be true.”  Shakespeare.  

My question is, “How can we be true to ourselves if we are living a life bound by someone else’s words?” 

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com 

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching    

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

• What is your interpretation of the job search “game”?
• Is it accurate?
• Does it help you?
• If your search has been frustrating, who can you talk to check out your interpretations?
• What is your favorite job search tool?
• What other tools might you be ignoring?
• Do you understand the “rules” of the game?  (FYI, those sometimes unwritten rules do include networking.)
• Are you incorrectly taking losses to heart?

QUOTE

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”  Albert Einstein

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching               

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

What jobs are you avoiding?  Is there a “real reason” or is it a limiting belief?  Is that limiting belief along the lines of “oh, I wouldn’t be any good at that?” 

As this man confused cash registers with getting fired, what negative consequences have you mistakenly fused with actions?

See if you can unearth some limiting beliefs, dust them off and have the light of day filter some reason into them.

QUOTES

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”  Buddha

“Men often become what they believe themselves to be.  If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it.  But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn’t have it in the beginning.”  Mahatma Gandhi

I have heard clients say that they feel lost or empty.  For those of us who have been highly goal-oriented, job search might seem that way.  However, this might not be bad.  Fields that lie fallow for a time are better able to support growth.  If you were burned out by your last job or succession of last jobs, what is this time period telling you that you need? 

Transition or job search means that we have to bring in a whole new set of attitudes as well as skills.  What made us successful in prior jobs might not be what is needed in search mode.  I can remember one of my two wonderful daughters-in-law telling me about holding a payroll training class shortly after the birth of her first child, my first grandchild.  She told class participants that something was a “no-no”. 

So we need different mind sets, different skills, different vocabularies during transition.  When you are with groups of others in transition, stop the circular negative talk about the economy, the search, the unfairness.  Find someone who has successfully made the transition and ask questions about how they managed.  Ask questions similar to the following:

1. What helped you the most?
2. What do you wish you had known early in the search?
3. If you had to do it over, what would you do differently?
4. What did you learn about yourself?
5. What advice can you share with me about my search? 

QUOTE 

Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,
And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,
Must ask permission to know it and be known.
The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,
I have made this place around you,
If you leave it you may come back again, saying Here.
No two trees are the same to Raven.
No two branches are the same to Wren.
If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,
You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows
Where you are. You must let it find you.

~ David Wagoner

 PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com 

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

My suggestion to you is to break the cycle of interview stress with moments of gratitude.  This can be grounding.  When we get caught in a negative spiral in job search, we forget how often things in this world do work.

In an earlier blog, I might have quoted a framed saying that family members gave me: “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”  So if the job search is dreary, I suggest you spend a few minutes thinking of and  writing down all you are grateful for.  It can be a breath of fresh air in the fog.  Read the poem below by Hafiz and let some light into your soul with a little gratitude.

QUOTE 

“It Felt Love,” by Hafiz 

How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart

And give this world
All its
Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,

Otherwise,
We all remain

Too

Frightened

Source: “ The Gift,” poems by Hafiz translated by Daniel Ladinsky  (Penguin Compass, 1999).   

 PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. 

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

• You introduce yourself.  Hello, my name is….
• Tell the person who you are by function, not by title.  Perhaps use an adjective to describe yourself in this function.  For example, “I am a trend-setting web designer…”  So begin by using the words, I am…. 
• If relevant, say why you are no longer working for your prior firm or why you are thinking of leaving your current firm.  (You will be asked this at some point by friends or during an interview, so get comfortable with stating this.)  Make it brief and non-judgmental.  You might refer to my earlier blog on the Leaving Statement to see how this works
• Say something interesting about your experience or successes that will hook the listener.
• Say what you are looking for in a new job and how the listener can help.  This can include where you want to work.

Once you have written the words, it’s time to practice the commercial. Call your voice mail to record it and then play it back to see how it sounds to you.  Try it out on family members and friends and ask for feedback.  When you are happy with your personal commercial, practice it until you can give it gracefully whenever needed.  Practice in front of a mirror.  Record it without your notes and listen to how it sounds.  Re-record until you can deliver it smoothly.

 As a side note, you might find that you will also use portions of the personal commercial in e-mails to contacts to let them know how they can help you.

SOME NOTES:

1. Express your value.
2. Speak with confidence.  If you are sure of your value, your listener will believe in that value.
3. Make it short.  This is not a history of your life. 
4. Do not improvise. If you do, you will talk too much.
5. Be professional and upbeat.  Don’t let this be about the sadness of what you may have lost.
6. Once again: practice, practice, practice.

AN OFFER

I will help polish, at no charge, the personal commercials of the first three readers who contact me at jill@careercoachjill.com.  This would be for a session of no longer than 55 minutes.  To be considered, you must include in your e-mail a copy of your rough draft and your contact information.  

MY PERSONAL COMMERCIAL 

My personal commercial follows and I would be remiss if I didn’t ask you for help in achieving my goals:

Hello, my name is Jill MacFadyen.  I am a certified life coach who specializes in helping my clients find satisfying careers, jobs and lives.  My clients are given support in all aspects of career search from “what do I want to do when I grow up” to how to be successful in their next position.  One client even reported an improved golf game, a surprise.   I would appreciate your referring to me those who might be less than satisfied with their job, work or life.   

PLEASE COMMENT

 Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

QUOTE

“Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.”  Martha Graham

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I am reusing last week’s quote because it is so powerful and because it is also apt for this week’s topic about networking.  If one is committed to something—like finding a job—one tells others about it. 

To put it simply, networking works.  It doesn’t have to be complicated.  It can be conversational.  It doesn’t have to be scary.  It can run the gamut from telling the local butcher that you are looking for a job to conducting informational interviews and everything in between.  I think it is especially important after you have applied for a position you would really like.  Then certainly ask contacts if they know anyone at that firm who can help you.

The days when people were embarrassed about looking for work are long over.  I had one wonderful client who used as a tag line after her signature line on e-mails, “Looking for a Project Manager Position.”  That certainly is networking and you will have to decide if it works for you or not.

In next week’s post, I will outline the steps to writing a 30 second personal commercial—also referred to as an elevator speech—which is the first step.  For right now, I would like to give you two examples:

• Friend A told me of her dream job.  Shortly thereafter, I called Friend B about a different topic and Friend B mentioned that her firm had a need for skills that fit Friend A’s dream job and for help in finding a project management employee.  I called Friend C to  see if his wife might be interested in the project management position and he said that he was having trouble filling positions for his firm and he needed someone who would fit Friend A’s dream job skills.  So in two serendipitous phone calls, I had two possible leads for Friend A.
• A client in another state had been a bookkeeper for an automotive credit company for decades.  She is a quiet woman who didn’t think she would like to network.  However, we prepared her 30 second personal commercial and had her practice it until it just flowed.  She went to the local grocery store where the deli manager while slicing ham asked why she was there in the middle of the day.  She replied with her personal commercial which ended with the words, “at this point, my ideal job would be as a bookkeeper for a local car dealer within five miles of my home.”  He responded, “You want I should have the VP of Sales from the Caddie dealer down the street call you?”

You never know who knows the right contact.  So you help yourself by spreading the word.  However, “the word” has to be sincere, positive and upbeat. It cannot ramble.   If you are still feeling negative or down about your situation, go back and read some of the earlier posts.  

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

QUOTE

"... the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too."  Goethe

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

This is a powerful quote.  We’ve all had the experience that when we truly set our minds to do something, to make a commitment to an achievement, that things suddenly seem to fall into place for us, to help us along the way—what Goethe calls “Providence.” 

In looking back on my many years and many friends, and all my reading, I am not sure that any of us really commits to New Year’s goals.  We only say “I am going to be kinder to my kids,” or “I am going to quit smoking, or do better at work.”   But have we made a commitment to these goals?  Until we do, Providence will not help us, and our goals will go by the wayside. 

So how do you commit to a goal, to something in the future, yet-to-happen?  I think our usual methods are inside-out:  we want the behavior to happen, but we have not readied ourselves.  That means that it is more likely we will fail to achieve our goals, which sets us up for disappointment in ourselves and puts more stress on an already pressurized cauldron. But there is a way to prepare for pressure-free success. And it starts by striving to appreciate ourselves.  The first step is stopping the “monkey chatter” of self-negative talk.  That means looking out for it even in the way we set our goals.

We tend to frame our goals in ways that presuppose we are imperfect and need to change.  What if, instead, we liked ourselves so much that we wanted to responsibly take care of ourselves?  That’s the meaning of “appreciate ourselves.” If we can make that commitment to ourselves, then “I am going to lose weight” becomes “I’m choosing now to eat nutritiously,” and “I am going to quite smoking” is now “Smoking hurts me and my family, and it’s time to stop doing that.”  With our commitment in place, we may just find that Providence is at hand to supply the help we need to reach our goals. 

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

QUOTE 

"... the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too."  Goethe

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

• Everything is left side justified. 
• There is no bolding.
• There are no bullet points.
• It is a plain vanilla version. 

If you try to paste your regular version when a text file is needed, bullet points may come out as question marks or the number 7.  Spacing becomes jumbled.  This is not the impression you want to give to a potential employer.  If you create one text version, you have it on your hard drive and don’t have to fuss with changes anytime you need to use it again.

 To create a Text file, try the following:

• Open your resume
• Click File, Save As
• In the Save As Type Box, select:  Text Only or Plain Text.
• Rename document
• Now open this text file document
• Check document and make minor changes.  Remove any heading for page two as you don’t know how this version will be viewed or printed by the recipient.  If you have used a table, there might be some extraneous symbols that need removing.
• Save it to use any time you need a “cut and paste” version of your resume.

 These directions are for PC users and I would enjoy hearing from Mac users about how they handle the need for Text versions. 

 See  sample that follows.   sam_smith_text_example[1]

PLEASE COMMENT 

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching   

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

FUNNY EXAMPLE FROM A RESUME

Experience: “Child care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”

Read more at: http://jobmob.co.il/blog/funniest-resume-mistakes/#ixzz0YGOtn621

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

Under each position, use bullet points to outline your accomplishments.  Do not use huge, clunky paragraphs.  You need to lead the reader to your accomplishments, not describe in detail how you achieved them.  Try not to use the word, “responsibility”.  What you were responsible for is not as important as what you accomplished.  Ideal accomplishments have three parts—challenge, action and result. 

• Challenge—why was it difficult. 
• Action—what did you do (not what you were responsible for but what did you do).
• Result—why was it good for your company or your client.

I had one client who listed numerous awards as bullet points.  Although it was impressive, there was no explanation of what he did to deserve those awards.  The work behind it was most important and I wondered if this young man could work without praise every step of the way.

PLEASE COMMENT 

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

FUNNY EXAMPLE FROM A RESUME 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.