Jill MacFadyen's Career Coach Blog » out of work

Words Will Never Hurt Me

Jill — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 22:20:14 +0000

Sticks and stones will break my bones

But words will never hurt me.

WRONG! Broken bones will heal. Bruises will fade, but words do hurt. They can go “viral” in our infinitely complex brains, reside there and monitor and affect our behavior without our even being aware of their impact. These words might not have been meant to hurt or perhaps they were but in either case we humans give them undue credence. In my coaching practice, I have noticed that people are guided by words from the past and that unexamined these words are limiting. I have also noticed that these words that live on in our fertile brains are usually the negative ones. We humans tend to remember the negative more than the positive.

We are particularly vulnerable when we are in transition or when we are in a poor work environment. This vulnerability makes us more susceptible to rejection and critical words. I invite you to think of the most recent time when someone’s words bothered you. I suggest you examine the effect of the words and then make a conscious decision to live without the cloud of those words. Think of what you believe you have heard and then how you have interpreted it. In the words of my friend and fellow coach, Teri Conrad (www.thewinnerwithin.com), “what are you making up about that?”

MY APOLOGIES AND GOING FORWARD

I apologize for the break in blogging. I enjoyed a short vacation, and took the class mentioned below. I am currently taking a class on Moodle in order to put job search lesson plans on my web site. I have been warned that there will be 4 to 6 hours of homework a week, so future blog postings might be sporadic. If so, just check out some earlier postings. Another suggestion is to check out the quote section of www.careercoachjill.com. For the quote that comes up, choose to live for a day or a week as if that quote were true for you. See what changes in perception this brings about in your life.

SOME NEWS TO SHARE

In July, I attended a class run by the VIA Institute on Character. In particular we discussed the VIA Character Strengths, including the work of positive psychology leaders Martin Seligman, PhD, author of Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness, and David Cooperrider, well known for his work in Appreciative Inquiry. The emphasis was on knowing your character strengths/values and then putting them to work in your life. The benefits of positive assessment are “a shift from what’s wrong to what’s strong.” (Duckworth, Steen & Seligman, 2005)

QUOTE

“To thine own self be true.” Shakespeare.

My question is, “How can we be true to ourselves if we are living a life bound by someone else’s words?”

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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SO WHAT ARE YOU MAKING UP ABOUT THAT?

Jill — Sun, 23 May 2010 18:05:56 +0000

So you didn’t get the job or didn’t get the interview or didn’t hear back about the application or interview? As my friend and fellow coach Teri (www.thewinnerwithin.com) would say, “So what are you making up about that?” Our fertile minds get very creative and not always helpfully so. I suggest that you take these thoughts out of the dark recesses of your mind and air them out. You might make a chart. On the first column, put in what you might be making up about the situation. Title the second column “Is This Really, Really True.” The third column can be titled “Alternate Perspectives” and a potential fourth could be “Solutions.”

A good book along these lines is Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie with Stephen Mitchell. You might also refer to Katie’s web site, www.thework.com.

SOME NEWS TO SHARE

This week I was delighted to be included among “50 Brilliant Business Coach Bloggers” at www.onlinedegreeprograms.com. Here’s a link: www.onlinedegreeprograms.com/blog/2010/50-brilliant-business-coach-bloggers/.

It’s always rewarding to have one’s work recognized, and that’s the kind of reward I want for you, my readers, in your own work lives.

QUOTES

“It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards.” Lewis Carroll

“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” Lewis Carroll

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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Thoughts about Work

Jill — Tue, 18 May 2010 02:53:21 +0000

My blog editor, the talented MC Pastoret, asked me this week what purpose I had in mind for my blog and I couldn’t give her a satisfactory answer. I think she was disappointed that someone who had the privilege of having readers didn’t know. So when a friend, Sebastian, sent the poem below, it made me think not just of what the poem elicited but of MC’s question. What I want for you is both to have the tools to get a job, and to have that job be the kind of work that makes you look forward to getting up in the morning. Therefore, at times I want the blog to trigger ideas and thoughts, and at times the blog will be about tools. Ponder the following:

What is your motivation to work? (It might be the work itself and it might be to support yourself and your family.)
When were you most energized at work? (Since it is difficult to get what you don’t want, you need to find work that will make you happy.)
However, if you are currently employed but not finding the work fulfilling, how can you change your perspective to make this work satisfying at least in the interim? (The work might not change but you can choose to change, which can shift the dynamic. I find that many people who are not happy at work, take it out on the job by withholding some portion of their effort or themselves which then comes back to bite them in less than stellar reviews.)

POEM

To Be of Use

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half-submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

Marge Piercy

from Circles on the Water (Knopf, 1982)

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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Odd, Insensitive or Illegal Interview Questions

Jill — Sun, 09 May 2010 01:35:59 +0000

I have been asked some pretty unusual questions during interviews and I’ll bet many of you have also. “If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be and why?” (Oh, please.) I once even had an HR VP quote the first part of a Latin phrase at me and ask if I knew the reference. (“Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres..”) Some weird synapse in my brain was triggered and yes, I did know and still didn’t get the job.

You might even be inadvertently asked illegal questions by an unsophisticated interviewer. Your age, marital status, national origin, race and religion are among those topics. I once was interviewed by a contingency recruiter who said as he gave me an arm punch, “I’ll bet you still have some pretty good years left in you yet.” I felt like an out-to-pasture race horse. Him, I should have confronted or reported because I obviously was never going to be passed on to the company. (By the way, I never shopped again at the company that this recruiter was representing.)

For each of us, the way to handle these situations will be different. Humor is one option. Another is to look behind the question to what should be really important to the clueless one. I am suggesting that you be savvier than the interviewer. Assume that he or she is innocent until proven guilty. Take a deep breath, relax and then answer.

If you are asked something odd (similar to the tree question above), the interviewer might be trying to gauge your ability to handle stress or to see how professionally you handle situations. Act as if this is normal.
If a reference to age is made and you are over the age of 40 (a protected classification), the interviewer might be wondering about your energy level. Give him an example of your positive energy. “At XYZ firm, I was known for my energy in solving problems with the most difficult customers.”
If marital status or numbers of children or plans for children are brought up, the interviewer might be wondering if you are able to travel or work over time. “Are you wondering if I am willing to travel?”
If a remark is made about the number of jobs you have had, he/she might be wondering if you would stay at the job for which you are being interviewed. You can explain any perceived job hopping and mention that you are looking for a company where you can stay and grow.
If a remark is made about your first or last name being unusual, consider it a compliment and say thank you.

I worked for a VP/GM who would take the top candidate to lunch and return to tell me things I wish that neither of us knew, such as, “She just had her gall bladder removed three weeks ago.” I pointed out the error of his ways but he was just so very friendly that candidates volunteered more than was wise.

You also don’t have to volunteer personal information on your resume or during the interview. If you have a personal section on your resume, be careful what you share. In your answer to the “So tell me about yourself” question, you don’t need to volunteer anything that the company has no right to know. You must also monitor the personal information you share on social media, such as Facebook and Twitter—if a potential employer is interested in you, chances are they will look at your online presence, too.

Once you get the job, be careful what you share, with whom you share or how loudly you share personal information.

QUOTE

“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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GRATITUDE

Jill — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 18:08:31 +0000

Due to a power outage last night, I didn’t get written the planned segment about interviewing. However, this minor inconvenience made me realize how grateful I am for so many things. I was grateful that I had just finished saving the work I was doing on a spreadsheet when things went black. I was grateful that I was able to find my way to the kitchen to the flashlight, which still had juice. I was very happy to be able to read an interesting book with a small book lamp thoughtfully given me by family. I am most grateful to the Com Ed workers who in a proverbial dark and stormy night got the power up and running again. So many people do their jobs and it means so much to others.

My suggestion to you is to break the cycle of interview stress with moments of gratitude. This can be grounding. When we get caught in a negative spiral in job search, we forget how often things in this world do work.

In an earlier blog, I might have quoted a framed saying that family members gave me: “Change your thoughts and you change your world.” So if the job search is dreary, I suggest you spend a few minutes thinking of and writing down all you are grateful for. It can be a breath of fresh air in the fog. Read the poem below by Hafiz and let some light into your soul with a little gratitude.

QUOTE

“It Felt Love,” by Hafiz

How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart

And give this world
All its
Beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,

Otherwise,
We all remain

Too

Frightened

Source: “ The Gift,” poems by Hafiz translated by Daniel Ladinsky (Penguin Compass, 1999).

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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INTERVIEW–THE FIRST QUESTION

Jill — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 00:41:48 +0000

In the next few blogs, I am going to write about interviewing, including behavioral interviewing, the infamous weakness question and questions you should and should not ask. Whether the interview is by phone or in person, after a few pleasantries, the first question frequently is, “So tell me about yourself.” An alternate version is, “Walk me through your resume.”

The response to this question is sometimes called the 90 second personal commercial for a reason. The answer should be as close to 90 seconds as possible. Fill out the steps below so that you don’t ramble. Pretend you are using a filter when you look at your answer. That filter should be “Is this information necessary to the interviewer and does it help me land the job.”

You do not have to follow the pattern below word for word. However, I suggest typing your final commercial on a separate piece of paper and then practicing it until it flows.

You start by

giving your name if necessary,
and your function. (Function, not title. E.g., Human Resources Professional, IT Professional.)

2. Next you name your prior or current company and title at that company. If useful, you summarize your responsibilities. You list one or two memorable accomplishments in that position. You mention briefly why you left that firm. (Look at the blog on “Leaving Statement” for help on this if needed.)

3. Then you mention the second company, title, experience and accomplishments. You might be asked the reason you left that firm also. So be prepared.

4. You continue doing the steps in #3 for all the companies on your resume. (However, do remember that it is suggested that your resume cover only the last 10-15 years. Therefore, your 90 Second Personal Commercial would parallel that time period.)

5. If you have time, you might list your strengths and give an example of how you have demonstrated one of those strengths at work.

6. It is helpful to end up by summarizing how you meet the needs of the firm or match the job posting.

QUOTE

“We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.” Mark Twain

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers. I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories. Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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MINOR BUT IMPORTANT POINTS

Jill — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 02:09:39 +0000

I’m devoting this weekend to a training program, so I thought I’d take an opportunity to post a brief reminder about an important point. So many of us in transition are unhappy that we don’t hear back from HR and that our messages seem to disappear into a black hole. There may be several reasons why HR is not returning calls, but I want to have you think about the messages that you leave. I just received a voice mail from someone who left an unintelligible phone number. I know my hearing is not the greatest, so I had a relative with superb hearing listen; he said that it seemed as if two digits were missing. We all know our phone numbers, so when we get to that part of the message, we probably take a deep sigh of relief and just rattle off the number. I suggest you write out what you are going to say, so that you don’t ramble or have to call back because you have forgotten something vital. Speak your name and phone number distinctly. It is helpful to say both name and phone number at the beginning and end of the message. This way the recipient doesn’t have to listen to a very long message twice if your name and number weren’t written down at the beginning. Don’t assume that Caller ID is available to provide your number.

Your e-mail and voice mail are important links to those who have jobs to offer. Does your e-mail system let you know when a message is undeliverable? If not, do you double check to see if you have the address correct?

Is your voice mail message professional? A least favorite is, “I am not here. You know what to do.” Is your message brief and to the point? I am sure your children are charming but not on your voice mail message if you are in search mode. Your religious holidays are not of interest to the caller. If you have a choice, make and receive calls from a land line because it can be clearer. And finally, be very aware of background noise whenever you make a call or leave a message: turn off the TV and stereo, and step out of the room if there are other people around chatting away. The only sound the other party should hear is the sound of your own voice.

QUOTE

“If e-mail had been around before the telephone was invented people would have said “hey, forget e-mail-with this new telephone invention I can actually talk to people.” www.thinkexist.com

PLEASE COMMENT

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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LETTING GO OF FEAR CAUSED BY LIMITING BELIEFS

Jill — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 23:47:34 +0000

When I watched the snowboarders on the brink of the half pipe, I couldn’t imagine myself in that situation. How many of us before networking, before an interview or before sending off a resume, feel as if we were about to descend to the half pipe with our feet strapped to a board and with millions of watchers in person and on TV? Yet, we are not being televised, no one is critiquing us and we won’t get physically maimed or injured. However, our own thoughts can make what we need to do seem insurmountable.

There is real fear of danger and fear imposed by self-limiting beliefs. If we are asking ourselves “what if” type of questions, then it could be that fear caused by self-limiting beliefs is beneath them.

What if I fail?
What if I look stupid?
What if I say something stupid?
What if the recruiter thinks I am stupid?
What if I am older (or younger) than the recruiter?
What if the economy is so bad that I never will find a job?

If you are uncomfortable or stuck in some aspect of your job search because of self- limiting thinking, try writing the words that have been going through your mind. (E.g., I am so stupid. I always make mistakes. I am not good enough. No one is going to hire me.) Then ask if these negative words are really, really true in all instances. Ask how it makes you feel to think these words. Ask if you would use these words against a friend or loved one. If these words you frequently say to yourself are not 100% accurate, make you feel crummy and would never be used about a loved one, THEN STOP THINKING THEM. An interesting book on the topic is Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life, by Byron Katie. You might also check out Katie’s web site, www.thework.com for helpful information and exercises about this.

For some of us, negative words from childhood or school stick in our minds and become “truths” that we live by. These voices in our heads which diminish us or keep us from success could be called saboteurs or gremlins. Stress (and many aspects of job search can be stressful) really activates them. When you notice that you are caught up in negative circular thinking, try the following:

Notice—simply notice. Become aware of the here and now. Notice your breathing, the tension in your body and where it is.
Breathe deeply several times. Feel your emotions.
Tell the voice to go away.

The first two suggestions are from a good book on the topic, Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting out of Your Own Way, by Rick Carson.

QUOTES

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine." Emerson

"What you think of yourself is much more important that what others think of you." Seneca

“It is of practical value to learn to like yourself. Since you must spend so much time with yourself you might as well get some satisfaction out of the relationship.” Norman Vincent Peale

PLEASE COMMENT

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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OTHER NETWORKING TOOLS

Jill — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:20:47 +0000

Here are two useful tools for networking and job search.

Get a business card. Early in my career search, I found myself in the embarrassing position of writing my name and contact information on a yellow sticky note to hand to a potential contact. Your business card can be a simple one with your name and contact information on it. You do not have to include your address. Instead of a title, you put your function under your name. For example, Human Resources Professional, CPA, Engineer, IT Professional, Administrative Professional, Electrician. This correlates to the function you used in the summary of your resume and in your personal commercial. You can get them professionally printed relatively inexpensively or even do them on your home printer.
If you haven’t joined LinkedIn, do so. LinkedIn is free, and I have seen it be very helpful to clients. It helps you develop and manage your network of professional connections—people you know or should know in your field of interest. Just as important, LinkedIn lets you create a profile for yourself that communicates your value to those contacts. Your profile is one more way to let the world know what you do uniquely well. It is worth spending some time writing it. Then, when you start to build your network, you can ask friends and co-workers to write a recommendation for you. You might also then do the same for them.

I will write about the Networking Brief next week and include a sample.

QUOTE

“More business decisions occur over lunch and dinner than at any other time, yet no MBA courses are given on the subject.” Peter Drucker

PLEASE COMMENT

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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HOW TO WRITE YOUR PERSONAL COMMERCIAL OR ELEVATOR SPEECH

Jill — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:56:52 +0000

The format is simple. I suggest you write out your personal commercial, using the following points:

You introduce yourself. Hello, my name is….
Tell the person who you are by function, not by title. Perhaps use an adjective to describe yourself in this function. For example, “I am a trend-setting web designer…” So begin by using the words, I am….
If relevant, say why you are no longer working for your prior firm or why you are thinking of leaving your current firm. (You will be asked this at some point by friends or during an interview, so get comfortable with stating this.) Make it brief and non-judgmental. You might refer to my earlier blog on the Leaving Statement to see how this works
Say something interesting about your experience or successes that will hook the listener.
Say what you are looking for in a new job and how the listener can help. This can include where you want to work.

Once you have written the words, it’s time to practice the commercial. Call your voice mail to record it and then play it back to see how it sounds to you. Try it out on family members and friends and ask for feedback. When you are happy with your personal commercial, practice it until you can give it gracefully whenever needed. Practice in front of a mirror. Record it without your notes and listen to how it sounds. Re-record until you can deliver it smoothly.

As a side note, you might find that you will also use portions of the personal commercial in e-mails to contacts to let them know how they can help you.

SOME NOTES:

Express your value.
Speak with confidence. If you are sure of your value, your listener will believe in that value.
Make it short. This is not a history of your life.
Do not improvise. If you do, you will talk too much.
Be professional and upbeat. Don’t let this be about the sadness of what you may have lost.
Once again: practice, practice, practice.

AN OFFER

I will help polish, at no charge, the personal commercials of the first three readers who contact me at jill@careercoachjill.com. This would be for a session of no longer than 55 minutes. To be considered, you must include in your e-mail a copy of your rough draft and your contact information.

MY PERSONAL COMMERCIAL

My personal commercial follows and I would be remiss if I didn’t ask you for help in achieving my goals:

Hello, my name is Jill MacFadyen. I am a certified life coach who specializes in helping my clients find satisfying careers, jobs and lives. My clients are given support in all aspects of career search from “what do I want to do when I grow up” to how to be successful in their next position. One client even reported an improved golf game, a surprise. I would appreciate your referring to me those who might be less than satisfied with their job, work or life.

PLEASE COMMENT

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

QUOTE

“Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.” Martha Graham

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

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