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Values–Learning from Those We Admire

Monday 20 Feb 2012 by jill | No Comments
Filed under: Uncategorized, Values Tags:

Values are who we are.  They serve as a compass, pointing toward what it means to be true to oneself.  Life is good when we honor our values.  It is also important to know and appreciate our values when making decisions in any area of life but especially in job search mode.

So who are you?  What do you stand for?  What is important to you? What are your values? And how can you figure that out?  One way is to think of a person whom you admire and list what you like about that person.  This can be someone you know, living or dead, an historical person, or a character in a book or movie.   Actually do this on a sheet of paper.  Name the person and see if you can come up with 10 things you admire about him or her.  Then on another sheet for every quality you had liked about the person you admired, put your name.  I admire about myself that I…..

The theory behind this is that we can’t see in others what we don’t have in ourselves.  So listing what you value in another is like looking in a mirror.  For example, I talked to someone who admired James Bond in the then-recent movie.  I saw only the glitz and glamour but he admired that Bond was loyal to a cause even when told to abandon it, even when punished for following that cause. 

  •          So who do you admire?
  •          And what does that tell you about yourself?

 PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret


A Perspective about Job Search

Sunday 12 Feb 2012 by jill | No Comments
Filed under: Uncategorized

What we think affects what we feel, and what we feel affects the actions we do or do not take.  Therefore, what you think is important.  Thinking takes you out of the present, either to the past as in “It shouldn’t have happened” or to the future, “Oh my, what will happen.”  The past is over and can’t be argued with and the future hasn’t happened.  All we have left to deal with is the Present, the Here and the Now.  Arguing with “what is” causes us internal conflict.  I suggest that we start questioning our thoughts, especially those that are not productive.

An example:  I take tennis lessons.  It has taken me years to work my way up to the Advanced One category.  Some time ago, X joined our class.  She had never really played tennis before but was a good athlete.  She drove me nuts.  She spoke when someone was serving—a real “no-no.”  She didn’t understand that the ball was called in if it landed on half of the line.  She would argue that it was on the outer ½ of the line.  Any time I played with her, I was so angry that my playing got worse.  So the pattern was:

  1. Thought:  X shouldn’t be in this class because she is not an advanced tennis player.
  2. Emotion:  I was angry and felt that she was given something that I worked hard for.  I felt it was unfair.
  3. Action:  My playing got worse.

This would have continued indefinitely until one morning when I looked around the class and realized that if X were not in the class, I would be the worst in the class—quite a perspective.  This helped me shift my thinking.

  1. Thought:  If X weren’t here, I would be the worst in the class.
  2. Emotion:  I was grateful to X.
  3. Action:  My tennis playing was back to normal.

Sometime in the past I listened in to a coaching call on getting rid of stress—certainly a byproduct of job search or “being in transition.”  Robyn Feldberg of Abundant Success Career Coaching, http://abundantsuccesscoach.com, used the work of Byron Katie’s book LOVING WHAT IS (Four Questions that Can Change Your Life to talk about getting rid of stress.  Robyn said that “when you argue with reality, you lose 100% of the time.”  So if you are upset that it is raining or that your job search is taking too long, sorry Charlie, it just is.  The stress comes from the thought that it shouldn’t be happening.  That thought and the stress that comes from it also puts a speed bump into your search.  Thanks to Robyn for a very helpful call.  She recommends Byron Katie’s book and I concur.  You can look up the four questions and other helpful hints at Katie’s web site www.thework.org.

By the way, acceptance of “what is” does not preclude action.  The acceptance frees us to take appropriate action.

 PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

An African proverb, “The barn burned down, now I can see the moon.”

 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

THE LEAVING STATEMENT

Saturday 21 Jan 2012 by jill | No Comments
Filed under: Leaving Statement, Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

You have come to terms with your feelings and have worked on shifting your perspective about your former employer.  Now, you need to be able to succinctly and comfortably tell family, friends, neighbors, networking contacts and potential employers why you are available and looking for a new position.  Pain and pity don’t sell and false bravado doesn’t work.  If you don’t believe your words, you won’t come across as believable.

Although succinct works, to merely say, “I was laid off” might too brief.  The frequently used pattern is to start with the big picture, how that affected your company and then your position.  Including the big picture (if you can) shows  business awareness.  The following is an example from a former client with the client’s exact words in quotes.

As you might know due to the economy, “Citi Group is eliminating a great number of positions, 75,000 to be exact and mine was among them.”  This certainly cut off at the pass any question about why this client was laid off.

In this economy, layoffs have been common and although the pain we have felt is personal, there should be no embarrassment.  I imagine there are very few of us who haven’t been laid off or who haven’t known a family member or friend who was laid off.  If the pain and embarrassment are still there and getting in your way, reread the first few blog entries and follow the suggestions.

I would like to point out that there is a difference between the truth and the darn truth.  Telling people the reason for the layoff doesn’t have to be an episode of True Confessions.  For example, in the 1990’s I was the HR Manager who wrote up X, the VP of Sales and Marketing, for sexual harassment.  Shortly after that, headquarters in their infinite wisdom (or lack thereof and yes I can remember the bitterness) gave X the authority to chose the layoff order.  As you might imagine I was in the first wave.  However, within a few weeks, the whole Midwestern Business Unit was closed.  Although it might have been true, I certainly would have scared off any potential employer with the words “I was laid off after I wrote my boss up for sexual harassment.”   It would be just as true, but less scary to the interviewer to say:  “Due to the bankruptcy of XYZ Company’s major client, the Midwestern office was closed and all positions including mine were eliminated.”

You shouldn’t worry that your statement will be challenged by your former employer.  Many companies are fearful of litigation and so unless there are extenuating circumstances, they will only report your title, dates of employment and possibly salary.

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

 

“Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.”  Irving Berlin

 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

But I Don’t Know What I Want to do When I Grow Up.

Sunday 15 Jan 2012 by jill | No Comments
Filed under: Ideal Job

I have heard this many times and lived through it myself.  When what you have done no longer energizes you or even sucks the life out of you, it is time to contemplate a change.  However, you might not want to quit your “day job” just yet.  Things to think about:

  • What are three peak experiences in your life?  What do they have in common?  What do they tell you about yourself?  How can they be recreated in your work life?
  • What are your strengths/values?  What sorts of jobs honor those values?
  • What is your life purpose?  Do you believe you have a life purpose?  Is your job related to that life purpose?  What job would be related to it?
  • What have you done that has left you feeling deeply satisfied or proud?  How can you get more of it through work?
  • What fascinated you as a child?  And can it be a metaphor to guide you now at this point in your life?
  • If you knew you could not make a mistake, what career or job would you choose?
  • When do you feel the most alive?

Books suggestions to help you discover the path to the next stage of your life

My favorites are the 3rd and 4th listed below.

  1. Do you know your MBTI type and does it lead you to any conclusions?  See Do What You Are by Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger, Little Brown and Company, 2001.  Read about your type and then look at the list of jobs to see what excites you.
  2. In Transition (From the Harvard Business School Club of New York’s Career Management Seminar) by Mary Lindley Burton & Richard A. Wedemeyer, Harper Collins, 1992.
  3. Now What?  (90 Days to a New Life Direction) by Laura Berman Fortgang, Penguin Books, 2005.  This book is rich with helpful tools, but for this part of your journey, see page 59 for an exercise that helps you outline your life in bullet points.  What themes will you see when you do this concrete exercise? What have you put on hold?  What drove your actions?
  4. What Should I do with My Life by Po Bronson, Ballantine Books, 2005. Po writes of real people of different ages and stages of life who have found the answer to the question of what to do with their life.
  5. Working Identity (Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career) by Herminia Ibarra,HarvardBusinessSchool Press, 2004.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

847-446-3803

www.careercoachjill.com 

QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

“You got to be careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there. “  Yogi Berra

 

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editor M. C. Pastoret.

OUCH–JOB LOST

Friday 6 Jan 2012 by jill | No Comments
Filed under: Job Loss Tags: , ,

So you have been Downsized, RIFFED, Laid Off, Outsourced, Made Redundant and you are not pleased—to put it mildly.  It hurts like hell.  It seems embarrassing.  It is scary.  I have “been there/done that” three times and remember how I felt.  I wish it were different for you.  It will get better.

What now?

Do not:

  1. Bad mouth your former employer/boss to anyone who will listen.
  2. Destroy company property.
  3. Beg to get your old job back.
  4. Hibernate, sleep all day, play computer games all day.
  5. Send out nasty messages on Facebook and Twitter about the jerks who laid you off.
  6. Call all your friends and beg for a job.
  7. Hide the news from your family.
  8. Surround yourself with others who feel angry and just fuel the negativity.
  9. Decide that no one will hire you at your age, with your lack of skills, etc…
  10. Beat yourself up about the loss.  (If only, I had… or I am such an…)
  11. Get drunk or high.
  12. Start to send out resumes in a flurry of activity.
  13. Hire a resume service that will send out your resume unsolicited to random companies.

Do:

  1. Take it slowly.  Acknowledge how you feel.
  2. Let your family and friends know what has happened and that you might need to vent.  Tell them you prefer support to advice.
  3. Journal, meditate, take walks, exercise, breathe slowly.
  4. Seek professional help if needed.  Job loss can be as devastating as death or divorce.
  5. Sign up for unemployment benefits if you qualify.
  6. See if you can help someone else—it will help you.

Do take it one step at a time.  The first step to do is to acknowledge how you feel.  A book that I recommend is The Job-Loss Recovery Guide by Lynn Joseph, Ph.D.  Her web site can be found at: http://www.joblossrecovery.com.  You can order the book or a CD of her visualizations from my website or hers.  I was pleased to see that you can order her book in e-form and have it right away.

FUTURE OF THE BLOG

Prior blog posts disappeared when there were technical changes.  So I will re-post from the beginning, one step at a time on navigating the process of getting a fulfilling new job. Once again, this will be starting with the lay off, but for readers who have gone beyond this, keep checking in, I will catch up to the stage you are in.   You may also refer to the section of my web site on Steps to Getting the Job that You Want.

PLEASE COMMENT

I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME 

jill@careercoachjill.com 

QUOTE FOR THE WEEK

Seek those who can light your fire.

“Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into a flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light.”  Albert Schweitzer

 

THE NEW YEAR IS ALMOST HERE

Tuesday 27 Dec 2011 by jill | No Comments
Filed under: Uncategorized

“…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.”

–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This is a powerful quote.  We’ve all had the experience that when we truly set our minds to do something, to make a commitment to an achievement, that things suddenly seem to fall into place for us, to help us along the way—what Goethe calls “Providence.”

In looking back on my many years and many friends, and all my reading, I am not sure that any of us really commits to New Year’s goals.  We only say “I am going to be kinder to my kids,” or “I am going to quit smoking, or do better at work.”   But have we made a commitment to these goals?  Until we do, Providence will not help us, and our goals will go by the wayside.

So how do you commit to a goal, to something in the future, yet-to-happen?  I think our usual methods are inside-out:  we want the behavior to happen, but we have not readied ourselves.  That means that it is more likely we will fail to achieve our goals, which sets us up for disappointment in ourselves and puts more stress on an already pressurized cauldron. But there is a way to prepare for pressure-free success. And it starts by striving to appreciate ourselves.  The first step is stopping the “monkey chatter” of self-negative talk.  That means looking out for it even in the way we set our goals.

We tend to frame our goals in ways that presuppose we are imperfect and need to change.  What if, instead, we liked ourselves so much that we wanted to responsibly take care of ourselves?  That’s the meaning of “appreciate ourselves.” If we can make that commitment to ourselves, then “I am going to lose weight” becomes “I’m choosing now to eat nutritiously,” and “I am going to quite smoking” is now “Smoking hurts me and my family, and it’s time to stop doing that.”  With our commitment in place, we may just find that Providence is at hand to supply the help we need to reach our goals.

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editorM. C. Pastoret.

 

 

 

HOW TO MANAGE THE HOLIDAYS

Thursday 22 Dec 2011 by jill | No Comments
Filed under: Uncategorized


The holidays are rough when we are “in transition.”  I wish I had a magic wand to make the challenges go away.  I wish each of our children and grandchildren the gifts that they desire.  I wish each of us the meals that fill the stomach and the heart.  I wish each of us homes that are warm, meaningful and secure both physically and financially.  I wish each of us a comfortable bank account.  I wish each of us to be surrounded by loved ones and friends.  I wish each of us “enough” of what we need and desire.

There are many articles, in print and on line, filled with techniques on how to manage this season.  The how I write about is not about techniques; it is an intrinsic quality that gives us insight and strength.  And it will be different for each of us.  We will find it in the way we have managed other tribulations.  We human beings are pretty amazing.  None of us have gotten to this place in life without overcoming obstacles.  I suggest that you list prior obstacles and write down, tell a friend, or let me know what it is in you that brought about prior successes.  Get in touch with that feeling of strength and power and have it help carry you through the holidays and the transition.

PLEASE COMMENT

Once again, I would appreciate any experiences, comments or questions that will help other readers.  I would particularly enjoy some humorous experiences and success stories.  Once a month, I will choose one commenter to contact for a free coaching session.

HOW TO REACH ME

jill@careercoachjill.com

www.careercoachjill.com for career coaching

www.limitlesshorizon.com for personal life coaching

www.leadercoaching.org for leadership coaching

 

“The real power behind whatever success I have now was something I found within myself – something that’s in all of us, I think, a little piece of God just waiting to be discovered.”   Tina Turner

Thanks to tech guru David Behrens (http://neptunestudios.net), and editorM. C. Pastoret.

 

 

 



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